WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT...
Preparing Your Funeral Service
For those who choose a funeral service (whether a burial service or a memorial where no body is present), it should reflect your own religious tradition and/or spiritual beliefs.

For some (i.e., Roman Catholics, Episcopalians), there are specific guidelines in preparing for such a service. Please consult your cleric and worship book for guidance. Yet even within traditions with specific guidelines, there is some room for individual preferences.

When deciding which options to choose, it is helpful to keep in mind the three typical functions of a funeral service. Generally a funeral service is an act of worship and therefore should glorify the divine. It also should provide comfort for one's loved ones. Here one's view of the continuity of life (whether in the memory of the living or in some sort of afterlife) plays a key role. Finally, a funeral service should give your loved ones a chance to reflect upon and celebrate your life.

Typical features of a funeral service:
• A service bulletin or program. At the very least, this should include an outline of the service. Some include everything in the service. Such bulletins are helpful to attendees, especially if the service is fairly elaborate and attendees will include those unfamiliar with your religious tradition. (A bulletin is much more accessible than a worship book and/or hymnal.) Please discuss this with your cleric or whoever is leading the service.
• Scripture and/or inspirational readings. Most of the readings should express themes of comfort for the grieving, the continuity of life, and reflections on the meaning of life and death. Readings that reflect your life or values but do not touch on the above themes may also be appropriate provided that they are compatible with a worship setting.
• Music. The comments on the readings apply here as well. In addition, if you select hymns that the congregation is to sing, keep in mind that those at your funeral are likely to be from a variety of backgrounds. Select simple and/or familiar tunes. Looking at hymnals or songbooks from a number of different denominations will help you identify hymns likely to be well known (e.g. “Amazing Grace”). Also consult your cleric/
spiritual advisor and music director. You might also consider the option of appointing someone to lead the singing (a cantor) if you belong to a tradition where congregational hymn singing is expected or required. Choral singing and solos plus instrumental pieces are also good choices. These options might be combined with hymn singing. One may choose not to include music in the service especially when it is to be conducted at a funeral home rather than at a place that is specifically for worship (church, synagogue, mosque, etc.).
Note: some traditions strongly suggest the use of a worship space as opposed to a funeral home. Consult your cleric.
• Prayers. In traditions with a set funeral service, there may be a choice of prayers. Check with your cleric
and worship book. Prayers of the People may be said by a lay person so you might want to ask a family
member or friend to lead these prayers. Most other prayers are offered or led by a cleric.
• Homily, sermon, address, or eulogy. This is typically offered by a cleric. Often the cleric is willing to speak about aspects of the life of the departed, especially those pertaining to that person's faith. Please let your cleric know if you wish him or her to do so.
• Remarks by family and/or friends. This gives your loved ones the opportunity to share memories of you. You might want to ask a few people if they would be willing to prepare remarks. Choose people you think would be comfortable speaking under stressful circumstances. Then you might ask the cleric to invite others to offer a few brief remarks. Some traditions have the family or a representative of the family acknowledge cards and other expressions of condolences that have been received. They also include an "obituary" which is a short biography of the deceased in the service bulletin. You may want to discuss with your loved ones
some aspects of your life that you want included.
• (For Christians) Holy Communion. In some traditions (e.g. Roman Catholic), Holy Communion is a part of every funeral service, in others (e.g. the Episcopal Church), it is optional, and still other Christians do not include Holy Communion as part of a funeral. If you belong to a denomination where Holy Communion is optional, please consider both how important the sacrament is to you and your loved ones. Note that many clergy offer a blessing as an alternative to receiving Communion and also that it is usually fairly easy for those not communing to simply remain in their seats. Another consideration is time. If you expect many attendees of your funeral, serving Communion may lengthen the service significantly.
• Flowers, pictures, video presentations, displays of possessions representing the life of the departed,
etc. These elements are usually optional but can add meaning to the service by individualizing it. In some traditions, pictures, video presentations and other displays that capture different aspects of the life of the departed are more suitable at a separate visitation or wake (check with your cleric). Discuss any preferences you may have with your loved ones as they, not your cleric or religious leader, will be responsible for these elements.

Before and after the funeral service: Typically, a visitation or wake precedes a funeral service. Sometimes it is called a "viewing" because when there is a body, this gives attendees the opportunity to view it. The visitation should be at least be an hour long, and the typical length is 2-3 hours. Some opt to have the visitation the evening before the funeral to accommodate visitors who work during the day. A short visitation could immediately precede the funeral service and should be held at the same place as the funeral. The advantage here is that it may be easier on those closest to you. The length of the visitation also reflects how many people you think may wish to attend. The fewer the attendees you expect, the shorter the visitation. Another optional feature is to have a reception which includes refreshments. Usually this is done after the funeral service and either before or after internment. Other types of receptions may be held at the place of worship (in some sort of fellowship hall), at a loved one's home or at certain restaurants. The retirement home is available to host such a reception following a service. Please speak with the social worker or administrator to make those arrangements ahead of time.

We at Episcopal Retirement Homes recognize that our residents come from a variety of spiritual backgrounds and perspectives. If your beliefs do not include the divine or you do not consider yourself “religious,” you might want to have a visitation or wake where loved ones may gather to remember and celebrate your life in lieu of a funeral service. The chaplains of the retirement home are here to assist you, please share your wishes with them.

Quick Links to Planning Ahead:
Entire Booklet (.pdf)
Ohio's Living Will
Health Care Power of Attorney
Preparing your Funeral Service
Preparing and Updating your Will
Financial Planning and Powers of Attorney

Disclaimer:
This booklet is purely informational. Episcopal Retirement Homes is not engaged in offering legal or medical advise. We urge you to consult your own financial planner, attorney and physician for those issues specific to your situation.

The consequences of a charitable gift depend in significant part on each donor's particular circumstance. This general discussion of ways to give does not address every issue, nor does it take into consideration the type of assets you have, your individual tax situation or your estate and gift tax planning objectives. You are most strongly urged to consult your tax and estate planning advisors.